written by Ken Felts
I never planned on coming out. I had lived my life and planned to go to grave trying to be straight. In 2019, I was diagnosed with classic Hodgkin’s lymphoma and underwent chemotherapy. One day I decided that the treatment was more painful than the cure and decided to receive no more treatment. I was incredibly isolated at home during cancer recovery that then went right into pandemic isolation. Prior to cancer I had been working with a personal trainer for 5 years and my trainer was gay. He figured out where I was on the scale of gayness. He encouraged me to come out and write my life story down, even though I thought no one would care. Finally, during the isolation of Covid I decided I have got to do something. So, I wrote my biography.
While I was writing, I was very straight and determined to stay that way. But then I began writing about Phillip in California, a man I had lived with for a year and a half. This was painful portion of life that I had hidden for years because my religious teachings overcame my gay desire. I decided to leave California and Phillip and live my life as a straight person. While writing this, my daughter came in and wondered why I was crying. I told her I should have never left phillip and shared the story of me and Phillip. At that point I decide if I’m out to daughter I should be out to everyone.
I posted on Facebook my coming out statement; fortunately, or unfortunately, the post was made public, and I began receiving feedback and calls from tv and radio for interviews. As a result of the interview a young man called me and said he wanted to meet me. We set up a blind date and met at an Asian restaurant and talked until almost closing and moved to my car to talk more. I had to leave but asked to meet again soon. He said yes. Johnny had held my hand, he came back and asked if he should follow me home. He did, spent most of the rest of the night talking at my house, asked if I would see him again, he said yes, and we started dating and he moved in.
One of the things I did after coming out was become involved with The Center on Colfax. I began to attend the Open Art Studio for queer elders. I did not think of myself as an artist; however, the opportunity came to develop a piece to hang at The Center. After finishing my book, I was able to visualize my life and myself as a part of the four seasons. Spring: young, full of life, and ready for anything. Summer: experiencing the world in the Navy in Korea, living in California, and meeting and leaving Phillip. Fall: Struggling with my inner nature by being straight, marrying, and having a child. Winter: my child left home and sadness until I came out. Now in the winter of joy with Johnny.
A second piece is made from a collage of artificial flowers. To me it represents all the beautiful gay people still in the closet wanting to come out but afraid of what they would have to face, from family and community. I wanted to show them the world was a beautiful place and accepting of their coming out. The string of flowers in the lower lefthand corner represent those who have found the courage to show the world who they really are. I had been writing poems and it seemed the flowers were speaking to me, the poem came easily.
I have received many letters from people around the world who’ve thanked me for having the courage to come out. Many expressed my story gave them the courage to come out. Many of the people are still in contact to me from all around the world; Japan, India, Vietnam, and all over the US. The outpouring of love and support is an absolutely beautiful feeling.
I have been interviewed several times. I was most impressed with Anderson Cooper, Oprah, and an interview from Yukuru, Japan. My special on the BBC in London had over 1.4 million viewers! Maybe one was the biggest for me was the biography done by Jeremy Hubbard, a local reporter in Denver. He went to California to film places I had lived, interviewed Phillips relatives, and found a researcher who had found phillip for me. Although he had passed, I am still incredibly grateful.
My message is: don’t underestimate the community in which you live, straight or gay, if you let yourself accept you, there will be many people ready to love you in return.
https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/relationships-love/a33445529/kenneth-felts-coming-out-story/
https://www.cnn.com/2020/08/10/us/kenneth-felts-comes-out-gay-age-90-pandemic-trnd/index.html
https://www.cpr.org/2020/08/12/ken-felts-coming-out-90-years-old/
https://edition.cnn.com/2020/08/10/us/kenneth-felts-comes-out-gay-age-90-pandemic-trnd/index.html